Raise your hand if you’ve ever set out to accomplish something, only to look back months later and realize that you’ve failed.

Yeah, me too.

Observed dead-on ~ just the facts, ma’am ~ 2023 was a bust. I failed to have a great endurance year. I failed to run 1,000 miles by December 31. I didn’t even get a weekly blog post into your hands.

And yet, here I sit on the doorstep of 2024, supremely unconcerned. This is unlike me. Or at least, unlike the old me.

The old me got very grouchy when I failed.

Now, I am merely dissatisfied. Mildly dissatisfied. Enough to keep me dreaming for the future. But not enough to make me itch.

I’m trying to understand what changed.

You see, I believe in the value of discomfort. Getting out there and doing the thing, whether I want to or not. Experiencing reality instead of reality TV.

And yet. And yet.

These days, I find myself more comfortable with being comfortable. Also, more comfortable with things that used to make me uncomfortable: Respecting from a mild injury before it becomes a major one. Shifting to a new pursuit when my horse needs time off. Being okay with missing a goal event because it conflicts with another priority.

Here’s what I think is happening: My hard goals are going unmet, but my soft goals are not.

My hard goals are the tangible ones, the Specific-Measurable-Ambitious-Relevant-Time Bound ones.

But my soft goals? I didn’t articulate those. I only intuited they were there, substantial but unacknowledged, the invisible girders on which my hard-goal structure hung.

My hard goals were representations of what I really wanted to achieve. My soft goals were (are) the real thing: Harmony with my horses. Wind and sunshine on my skin. Relationships with people and animals. Strength in movement. Knowledge. Commitment. Wonder.

These live in on the road between destinations. If I miss the race, but ride the horses, most of what I really want is still there. Perhaps I even pay more attention to the scenery.

Besides, isn’t the real fun in the goal seeking, rather than the finding?

Consider: What’s the first thing we do when we achieve a goal? We celebrate for a hot minute, and then we’re back on the AERC website or Ultra Signup to identify our next target.

There’s nothing wrong with that. I love that! But why? Because it keeps me out there on the road, and the road is where I want to be.

The beauty of unmet goals is that the light is still ahead.

I don’t feel that post-race letdown because I haven’t crossed the finish line yet. Christmas morning is still on its way. This lovely, extraordinary path is not a memory. It is a reality! I get to travel it again today.

I may be out, but I am not down. I am in my element. Living as I want to live, enjoying this moment rather than living in a future of hoped-for things. 

It’s old advice, no? Enjoy the journey. Because when it comes right down to it, the journey is the destination, after all.